Today I (Beth) had an incredibly tought moment.
My 4 year old nephew, Elijah, asked if I was going to come to his 5th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese next April. I had to pause and think about how I was going to answer that. Our target date to leave for Argentina is early January of 2010. We would be in Argentina by Elijah's birthday. How do you explain to a 4 year old that you can't make it to a very important event in his life? In fact, you will probably miss most of his important events in his life! How do you explain to a 4 year old that you are taking away one of his precious friends, his cousin Zane, for a long time? How do you explain that you can talk over the computer, but you won't see him until he is almost done with 3rd grade? I told him we would be living in our new house far away when he had his next birthday. You can only get to the house by an airplane, so we can't make it for his birthday party. I watched that comment sink into his little 4 year old head. He turned, and buried his head into the couch.
My heart ached! The tears came.....for me and my sister, who was witnessing all of this. At this moment I came head to head with one of the biggest things I will be asked to 'give up' as I go to Argentina.
Out of all of the things that I will be missing the hardest by far will be not seeing my family. Knowing that Zane won't know his cousins like he would if he lived in Colorado and saw them every week. Not being able to swap babysitting with my sister or have a double date with her and her husband. Not seeing by neices and nephews play sports or have sleep overs with Zane. We won't get to celebrate holidays with parents and Zane won't be able to visit and play with his grandparents on a regular basis.
There was no good explaination for 4 year old Elijah. All I could say was 'Buddy, we will call you on the computer and watch you open your birthday gifts. And I promise we will all have a fun day at Chuck E Cheese before we leave.' The comment didn't really help. We are still leaving and we are still going to miss his birthday party. The tough moment is over, yet my heart still aches.
So that is where I am at. SAD! I am counting the costs today and I am sad.
Lord -I desire to be obiediant. I desire to minister to the Lost and hurting....but today it is hard to desire that. Lord-Let me see the Lost and hurting through your eyes again. May I desire YOU over anything!
.....still crying!
7 comments:
Hey Beth,
I can completely relate to what you are feeling right now. There will come a day when you feel the same way going back to Colorado... sad to leave behind the 'family' you have in Argentina, sad to miss all the important events, sadness will come and go throughout the years. All I can say is that God is good during these tough moments. Your nephew will still LOVE you everytime you come home. Enjoy each moment that you have with him, even in the midst of the tears. Our reward in heaven is great as we have the privelage of sharing Christ with the lost and hurting and watching lives be changed for God's glory..! Cry... and then open up your Bible and let God comfort your hurting heart... He is the only one that can do it.
God bless,
Kristin
Friend...
Praying for you today! Know that it is hard...but I know God has a big plan for you! Proud of you for following God's Will for your life!
Love you much!
OH, Beth. Now you've got me crying. I know it's often hard to follow God. It's okay to be sad and even a little angry. He's a big God and he gave us those emotions. Thoroughly experience them and cry to God. He will walk with you all the way.
I am crying with you, my friend. Literally...tears down my face. Your pain - his pain - your family's pain - is real and.... good. I don't want you to hurt and I certainly don't want him to hurt - and I know God doesn't want that either.
And as you grieve this loss - and the long term implications of it - I will pray for the comfort of the Holy Spirit to come to you like Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 1 - that you may be comforted...and then pass on that comfort.
This week I have been reading in Genesis 12-16. I am taken by the blessing God speaks over Abram
"Do not be afraid Abram,
I am your shield, your very great reward."
Directly following that - Abram says -BUT GOD...and then he pours out his heart for a son again. And God does not rebuke him for not recognizing the incredible gift he has just given him that He, God, is his great reward. No - instead, God meets him, right there, in his pain and distress and assures him by taking him out to look at the stars and promising him that his descendents will be at least that many.
Beth - I think Jesus wants to meet you here. You know his great rewards - you know his heart for the lost...in Argentina - you resonate with that and have sought to fashion your life around His heart for the lost in Argentina. And he comes to meet you now in your pain - in the cry of your heart for deep relationships with your family. He comes to meet you in your grief and sorrow. I don't know what words or songs he is singing over you but I know he is delighted in you. I know that he is delighted you are bringing your pain to him...and sharing it with us to pray for you.
My prayer for you now is that you can receive Him...his comfort, his love, his care. And that you can hear the words he is speaking to comfort your heart. Oh Jesus - hear your Beth, our Beth as she cries out to you. Comfort her and meet her here. Lavish love on her - here, now. We love you.
Love you, my friend. I am praying for you.
Trace
Beth, what special friends you have!
It is good that you are identifying and grieving these losses now. Way to go.
Brian
Dear Beth.
I cry too... Words seem, at times, to be a little empty.
May you find comfort in knowing that Jesus left His home in glory to come as a servant. His great love for the world is what sent Him and your great love for Him and the lost is what is sending you. He has called you to it and will go through it with you.
It is part of sharing in His Sufferings.
Am praying for you and your family.
Wow...that tugged at my heart more than you can know. The reality of Crick and Mindy being on the mission field just hit me. Right now it seems like "someday" but I know that they will too have this very talk with our boys very very soon. Wow...thank you for sharing that even though I didn't want to hear it. Praying for you guys.
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